The "Bomb Explosion"

In 2010, the Master reported the event he named as the “bomb explosion,” occurred in the second Saturday night of June 2007. Please find the full report below.

“For no justifiable reason, now I feel a great joy in putting into words what happened to me, writing these few lines in white sheets of paper, as I have been asked about it. The question is: ‘Marcos, how did it happen?’”

Until then, I have never expected that one day I would have something to say, to write about it. Writing was never a comfortable thing to me. What you are going to read next is the part of my life’s story that deserves to be told.

Jesus said: “You will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free.”

Although this aims not to be an autobiography, I feel I need to put into words a short report about my experience with God along the last 23 years. I mean something experienced internally, with disregard to my theology intellectual education to become an evangelical priest.

Therefore, do not expect to find in this writing anything in line with the theology truth; even because when this profound change began to happen in my life, in 1986, there was a huge internal conflict against all my religious concepts – they became a major roadblock as I tried to adjust that new experience to known patterns, to what I had previously learned. And that was the problem: it would not adjust.

In 2007, there was a complete break with the intellectual aspect of theology. Presently, I am 100% in favor of Christ and His Gospel and 0% in favor of theology, of this so-called Christianity that consists only of doctrinal theories and beliefs about Christ, with some superficial changes in the “ego.’ Therefore, do not look for any confirmation or affirmation of things you believe in here. I would say to you – if I were personally looking into your eyes and sitting in front of you – that you need patience, quite a lot of patience to follow me and to check for yourself the validity or nullity of the things I put here.

Although it was never difficult to me to put ideas into an essay when I was given a specific topic to write about it as a high school child, I could never speak or write about my personal experience. However, at this moment I am surprised to see that there is something to be said here, despite not knowing to whom or if it can really arouse somebody’s interest in reading it. Actually, it does not concern me either, since I have full confidence in the Divine providence.

At the age of 17, this search began, the search for God, born of a huge internal discomfort and a deep yearning to find God. I dedicated my life to this search for God ever since. I was raised in a religious family, I learned to pray and fast, as well as to perform several practices that, as I had been told to, would bring me the end of that discomfort and would allow me to find God. And so, after a few more years, – precisely 7 years later, when I was 24 years old, after many prayers and fasts, a book fell into my hands.

I started reading, and when I was in the second chapter, what I was reading started to affect me in such a way that I had never experienced before in my entire life. This book is called “MAHA YOGA OR THE UPANISHADIC LORE in the light of the teachings of BHAGAVAN SRI RAMANA.” There, that moment, was truly a turning point, marking the beginning of several internal experiences I would undergo for over 20 years. That was back in December 1985. Today, through this article, for the first time in my life, I make a public testimonial.

Currently, I only see God in control; who else could be?

What I clearly mean is that God knows everything, and thus He knows to whom these words are being addressed. What I am going to report now is the pure truth and an internal impulse leads me to put this into written words, not caring if anyone will believe it or not. It is simple as that.

Now we are back to 2007. It happened that Saturday night, the second June Saturday, when my wife went out for dinner with my son-in-law and my daughter, and I rejected the invitation to join them – as usual. At that moment, I was deeply interested in reading everything I could find about BHAGAVAN SRI RAMANA on the internet. (Note: It is interesting to mention that two Saturdays later, they would go out again and that time I would join them, however everything would seem totally different, as something indescribable had happened to me – although I do not believe they could notice).

Actually, in those first weeks “it did not click” even to “me”, but there comes the question: what happened to that “me”, to that “I”, to Marcos? Yes, that was the night of “the bomb explosion” … I was sitting in front of the computer, I do not recall anymore what article I was reading on the internet, I know it was in English, but certainly it did not mean anything to what happened there.

So, a quite suddenly and yet extraordinary silence came in, something I cannot even put into words here. However, this time it was not like the ones I had previously experienced in the last years. It was somehow different, with a different depth, a totally different quality – all those previous moments of experience with God had come and gone around, moments of silence that appeared and disappeared, but this one brought in something mysterious.

It arrived with a totally new power, operating a so inexplicable and surprising change that now, 3 years later, I often find myself laughing at situations that would cause me a huge stress back then, but powerless to cause me any sort of internal distress presently. In other words, there are no conflicts anymore.

At first, people thought I had gone crazy, since my reactions, and especially my words, were completely different. Maybe I will come back to that point later, but now I feel like reporting as much as possible, that is, putting into words what I am able to about that night. My impression was that everything around me was immersed in that silence: the surroundings, the computer desk, the computer, the letters on the screen, as well as the sound that came out of it. At that moment, everything was part of that silence: the whole sense of separation was gone. Yes, it became crystal clear that the floor, the table, the books lying there, my body…everything, was just one thing, only This Thing.

From that moment on, I realized I was in a state of profound internal peace, embedded by that silence of love, yet a quite indescribable love – if there is someone able to describe love.

If you sit by a river’s shore to watch the water flowing, it does not matter if tree trunks, or just branches or leaves are flowing down, since being sit there means so much beauty that nothing else matters. It is pointless to try to describe this state of complete absence of “me.”

Each one has already experienced such moments since childhood, and they were the best life moments ever. It is a State of Being, that comes around without invitation and leaves suddenly. However, on that day when everything happened, what we call as “me” disappeared, and when it vanished, all suffering ceased.

This “I” is just a personal pronoun we use to simply communicate. Presently, there is no longer this false idea of an annoying, individual, separate “me”. My mind is constantly, most part of the time, silent. That voice people have chattering inside their heads, like a radio turned on to a station they do not want to hear – and even worse, that they cannot control – cannot deceive me anymore. If they could leastways turn that radio off…

But they do not know where this tuner button is, and, they have no need to turn it off, as all they need is the button to work perfectly, being a useful tool. Like everything in our lives, thought also has its place. However, this is not the moment to talk about it. At this point, my intention is simply to bring a testimony.

Presently, my mind and thoughts, when they arise, cannot disrupt that silence full of imperturbable peace. I feel the brain is working in an entirely new way, as if at every moment there is a refreshment caused by the resting-state that it enjoys. The thoughts springing up in my mind are clear, objective and purposeful; they are born out of silence and disappear there, and nothing can undermine this silence.

And my heart is also at peace now: I no longer know all that emotional and sentimental excitement. As I said before, I trust in the Divine Providence, I feel I must write here the testimony that it is possible to have a vision of God when we are free from the “me”. This is possible by His Grace; everything is possible by His Grace.